Relationships are hard work!

I think every married person can relate to the fact that Holidays bring stress. All the house rules are changed, life becomes a whirlwind of turmoil. Everyone feels stretched out because their attentions are pulled to different family and friends. Schedules are made, adjusted, crumpled up, burnt, thrown out the window, remade, given up on, and then we change everything at the last possible moment. Okay, so Holidays are stressful! I think we can all see that.

What seems to overwhelm us is when tragedy falls upon us during the Holidays. Just after Thanksgiving our grandmother became enemic and we sent her to the hospital. Then after many differing opinions of what was wrong with her, she was shuffled off to a rehab/convalescent center. Her level of care skyrocketed out of control, leaving us feeling helpless. She is now staying there under long term care.

All of this happened before Christmas, meanwhile our family stood stunned realizing that not only had our lives been severely altered by this with no warning, but we had no chance to carry out any of our usual stressful plans for the Christmas season. We barely put up a tree with lights and a train around it without any ornaments. We put up outdoor lights before the @#$# hit the fan. When Nana (our grandmother) was sent to the rehab\convalescent center, we decided that we should remove carpeting to make life easier for a wheelchair in the house. Then we had plumbing problems and had to redo the flooring in the kitchen.

As you can tell, our lives have been hectic. It has been one disaster after another, and we still are trying to piece our lives back together again. This has left deep scars on each of us, and created tension that is hard to live with. I think we are starting to get a little clear of our troubled times, but we still have not had time to cope with all the changes, and I think we all feel robbed of all the Holiday cheer.

My wife and two children (young adults) have been real troopers through all of this, and we would not have made it through all of it without the tremendous teamwork they have provided. I am now realizing that I have let myself become hardened by situations and have not been dealing with the emotional needs of my family. I am currently trying to work through this, and am reading "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".

I have only begun reading the book, but have already noticed many ways that I have failed in my communications with my wife and family. It has been a real wake up call to me that I am realizing how easy it is to assume everything is just fine until someone complains. I hope that I will grow to be a better, more understanding husband and father.

Our heart is an important muscle, and it needs to be exercised regularly. I have been so busy with my mind that I have neglected my heart. I guess that my new year's resolution is to exercise more regularly, by loving my family more fully. I hope that if you have read this you will agree with me that this is a good idea.