I think every married person can relate to the fact that Holidays bring stress. All the house rules are changed, life becomes a whirlwind of turmoil. Everyone feels stretched out because their attentions are pulled to different family and friends. Schedules are made, adjusted, crumpled up, burnt, thrown out the window, remade, given up on, and then we change everything at the last possible moment. Okay, so Holidays are stressful! I think we can all see that.
What seems to overwhelm us is when tragedy falls upon us during the Holidays. Just after Thanksgiving our grandmother became enemic and we sent her to the hospital. Then after many differing opinions of what was wrong with her, she was shuffled off to a rehab/convalescent center. Her level of care skyrocketed out of control, leaving us feeling helpless. She is now staying there under long term care.
All of this happened before Christmas, meanwhile our family stood stunned realizing that not only had our lives been severely altered by this with no warning, but we had no chance to carry out any of our usual stressful plans for the Christmas season. We barely put up a tree with lights and a train around it without any ornaments. We put up outdoor lights before the @#$# hit the fan. When Nana (our grandmother) was sent to the rehab\convalescent center, we decided that we should remove carpeting to make life easier for a wheelchair in the house. Then we had plumbing problems and had to redo the flooring in the kitchen.
As you can tell, our lives have been hectic. It has been one disaster after another, and we still are trying to piece our lives back together again. This has left deep scars on each of us, and created tension that is hard to live with. I think we are starting to get a little clear of our troubled times, but we still have not had time to cope with all the changes, and I think we all feel robbed of all the Holiday cheer.
My wife and two children (young adults) have been real troopers through all of this, and we would not have made it through all of it without the tremendous teamwork they have provided. I am now realizing that I have let myself become hardened by situations and have not been dealing with the emotional needs of my family. I am currently trying to work through this, and am reading "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".
I have only begun reading the book, but have already noticed many ways that I have failed in my communications with my wife and family. It has been a real wake up call to me that I am realizing how easy it is to assume everything is just fine until someone complains. I hope that I will grow to be a better, more understanding husband and father.
Our heart is an important muscle, and it needs to be exercised regularly. I have been so busy with my mind that I have neglected my heart. I guess that my new year's resolution is to exercise more regularly, by loving my family more fully. I hope that if you have read this you will agree with me that this is a good idea.
"Finding Me"...A Poem
12 years ago
Posts
I think that our worst problem is that we have always let our family's get involved in our lives and really mess up our hearts. Well my soul is broke, I can NOT soften my heart anymore right now because, of all the pain that my Mother and step-father have caused me. None of this stuff is your fault however, most of this crap is my fault because I don't have enough......well balls to tell them to take care of themselves and stop burdening me with all of it! What you need to understand is that, I know that I don't like to fight with anyone let alone them. If I could talk to them without them calling me a Bitch (like always) but you and I know that wont happen don't we? I have made a real mistake telling you everything, it hurt you! that is why I have never told anyone all that I have told you about my damn life! Men are fragile and I know that but, I also thought that I was supposed to tell everything and not hold back.
ReplyDeleteI have always been able to turn off my past and be happy....phony happy, If I think about the hurt I want to scream, and do in my own head all the time. I really think that if I went to a doctor I know that they would put me on drugs again, because I cant always breath right anymore, this is my fault for letting people hurt me so deeply and not standing up for my rights as a person! You see none of this is your fault at all and you can't take it on, the only person that can fix me, is Me! You could just hold my hand through life and just let me be screwed up!
I am very proud of you that you are trying to improve yourself, when you find steady work you will feel better also. Men are not made to handle all the crap that goes on in a normal house hold, all the Christmas crap should be done before you get home from work, house work also! Maybe if you stop holding all your family pain it would stop eating you up, your brother is a ASSHOLE and you want to tell him that, you could just say that there is no room in your life anymore for people that don't really like you...or whatever.
You and I will be OK because we are friends and always will be! Lili
It's OK to tell me everything. What I am learning is that I need to learn to listen without trying to fix everything for you. That is the problem with men, is that when someone tells us about a problem, we take it as a request for help. Then when our attempt to help fails or is rejected, we become frustrated. A man needs to learn to just listen sometimes without trying to take charge of the situation. It is a big step, so women please be patient about it.
ReplyDeleteYeah, what he said!!
ReplyDelete